This Blog Was Never Going to Save Me. But I Still Want to Keep Writing It

When I was in my early twenties, I was a part of an online community called BlizzForums. I was a heavy StarCraft player at the time. I wasn't competing or playing with people online. My love was the campaign and the stories this game managed to tell through strategy missions that mostly focus on volume. I fell in love with this community so much that I wanted to build one myself. That was the beginning of content creation for me.

It didn't go the way I wanted.

Ever since that day, I tried again and again. For twenty years, I tried to build a community that would become my employer. I craved the connection with other nerds and I wanted to build things they would find valuable for them. Along the way I built many communities. Some failed, some still live on. None of them were the community I envisioned back then.

It's time to face the reality and admit that I would probably never build the community I wanted. This letter is a eulogy to that dream.

The Dream I Lost

I wake up in my own bed, in my own house, and start a chill morning. No commuting to work or working from home. I start my day with a coffee and a writing session to get some ideas off my chest that accumulated during the night.

Later that day, I go to the gym and lift something heavy. Weights will never not be a part of my future. They weren't in my original dream, but I realize after two years, I don't want to give my progress up.

After a shower and lunch, I go into my private study in my home. There are rows of books ordered by series on my shelves. The Stormlight Archive is prominently sitting on its own shelf. The same for all the Dune books. My private collection is vast. Some of them are signed, some aren't. I haven't read them all, but I love them all the same.

A few of those books are mine. They have my name on them. Something I never thought would happen but it did. I finally materialized the fantasy world that's been on my mind since my late teens.

I open my computer and put on some chill lofi beats music and start looking at analytics. Behind me there's a gold play button on the wall to indicate I got a million subscribers on YouTube just by talking about the nerdy things I read, watch, and play.

On the blog, I see much less activity than my YouTube and socials, but those people convert to email subscribers, and I keep writing them this nerdy letter. Every week on a Friday.

What a nice dream to have right? I wanted to believe it was possible. Or maybe I've been making the wrong thing all along.

My Idea of Content is Different

Have you ever read an episode-by-episode review of a TV show you've been watching? That's what I've been trying to create. The problem is nobody searches or watches that type of content on YouTube. People are more interested in specific moments than episode recaps that AI can generate in seconds.

For Google, it's a lost cause. Most sites today are either visited by AI bots to use them for answers, or they are lost between all the slop that's generated and uploaded daily.

And yet, I still want to keep writing thanks to a lesson I learned from my late grandmother.

Today is My Grandmother's Memorial

Nine years ago, my Grandmother Yona, or Hama'me in her Yemeni name (which means pigeon in both languages) left us at the age of 105.

I loved her so much.

Grandma Yona always said to give to other people without expecting anything in return. After her death we discovered from numerous people who came to her funeral how much she gave in secret. My grandma was by no means rich. But she was living alone and she didn't need much for herself.

I tried to keep this dream of making money from writing afloat. But the world has moved on while I stayed behind. I do still want to write because I enjoy it and I know someone else will too, but it's time to grieve this dream.

In a way, thanks to her, something in me wants to keep writing this thing even though I know it would only reach a handful of people. If those people enjoyed it, I succeeded.

Thank You For Reading!

This is all I have for you today. Thanks for sticking around with me. What's one dream you have that you think won't happen? Let me know by either replying to this email, or commenting below if you read this online.