At the end of episode 4, we see Shinji make his first choice and decide to stay on the platform and let the train go without him. He finally found his reason to stay. The road to this moment wasn't easy.
Hi there, if you're new here, my name is Oren and I'm a nerd who likes to talk about my favorite shows, games, and books. Today we're talking about Neon Genesis Evangelion episode 4.
Video: Oren Cohen's YouTube Channel.
Shinji ran away
At the beginning of this episode, we discover that Shinji ran away. Misato knocks on his door and tells us it's been five days since the fight, and sometime in those days, Shinji took his things and left. And remember, we know from last episode's ending that Toji got most of the way through dialing Shinji's number before hanging up. Someone almost reached him. Nobody did.
Shinji kept saying he's not cut out for this, and we know from the previous episode that he was there only because he was told to and wanted to obey. But enough is enough.
It's only when Misato gets a surprising visit that we realize Shinji has more impact on people than he realizes.
Toji and Kensuke came to visit
Toji and Kensuke visit Misato's home to deliver homework and ask after Shinji. She lies and says he's at Nerv. That was a small kindness. She can't do anything about it now, and there's no reason to make them worry too.
I loved how we get to see Shinji is actually more loved than he realizes. But it's more than friendship. Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke survived a life-or-death situation, and those kinds of situations tend to forge a bond between people. He may have felt lonely, but whether he likes it or not, he found friends for life.
And that friendship will keep growing when Kensuke encounters Shinji in the wild (quite literally).
Shinji and Kensuke have a sleepover outside
Shinji spends the day riding the train in circles, watching people come and go until he's the only one left in the car. The show doesn't comment on it, but after last episode's essay you know what I see: the kid nobody calls, alone again, going nowhere on purpose. And then he steps off and walks straight into Kensuke. Were you commuting in circles in the city?
Kensuke recognizes him walking through a field and calls him over. They have a laugh and realize they both grew up without mothers, which is sad, but it's one more thing they have in common. Remember that detail. Something tells me this show isn't done with mothers.
Things seem to be going well, and Shinji finally forms a bond with people, until secret agents come to take him away.
Nerv erases Shinji
When Shinji is returned to Nerv, Misato has a distanced conversation with him where he says he will pilot the EVA because he wouldn't want to put another kid through it, and he doesn't care if he lives or dies. That's when Misato has had enough, and she tells him to go back home and that it's dangerous for him to be there if he doesn't want to be there.
Then we get one of my favorite frames so far. Shinji's Nerv card gets stamped, and the stamp appears twice. In English it says RESIGNED. In Japanese it says 抹消, which means erased. The translation is the polite version. The original says what actually happened: Shinji didn't quit, Nerv deleted him. Even leaving wasn't his choice.
There's a sad little piece of dialogue at the end where Shinji asks, "Where is Misato? I want to say goodbye," and the agent answers, "You're no longer with Nerv, so you don't have access to this information," or something like that. I actually did not remember any of this part. I watched this show with my best friend when we were in our teens, and we didn't really understand what was going on. Now at 38, I'm paying attention to the story.
And so Shinji is sent to a different train that will take him far away, and that's when he finally wakes up and makes his decision.
Shinji decides to stay
On his way to the train station, Toji and Kensuke intercept Shinji and give him a bag. Toji admits he understands now what piloting costs Shinji, because he was inside the EVA and heard it himself. Then he insists that Shinji punch him at least once, to make them even. And Shinji does, and they all smile. It almost broke my heart. We also see Misato suddenly realize that Shinji is just having a hard time communicating to people how he feels, and she runs to her car and arrives as the train drives away.
At the end, we see Shinji decide to stay. And the show makes us sit in it. Misato looks at the platform where Shinji is standing, train station announcements going on, and nothing else happens for about 50 seconds. I checked. No Gen Z would sit through it, and honestly I almost didn't either. But it works. After four episodes of Shinji doing what he's told, the show stops everything so we can watch him stand still on his own. It ends with Shinji saying "I'm home," and Misato answering "Welcome back."
Next episode, we give Shinji a bit of a rest and turn to Rei. Why does she smile for Shinji's father, of all people?