Tomorrow is My 37th Birthday - Here Are 37 Life Lessons I Learned The Hard Way
Each life lesson is a mini story.
My birthday is a source of anxiety every year. Traditionally it’s a time where I make fake promises to myself about money and relationships only to cave into my usual patterns.
This year is different. Otherwise I wouldn’t be making this post. I’m slowly realizing that at 37 I learned a thing or two and I want my 38 year on this planet to be my best yet.
So let’s jump straight into it!
1. Buy Things With Money You Have - Not Credit Cards
My 20s were the decade I dug my own pit. I finished my army service and was in debt even before I started my Computer Science degree.
The reasons I wanted to spend so much on things is probably something I need to bring up in therapy, not here. Over the years, I realized buying things with credit cards instead of actual money you have in the bank is like putting a chain over your shoulders and it only gets heavier the longer you keep doing it.
If you buy things with a credit card make sure you clear it off every month. And if you can’t do that, the next lesson is for you.
2. Learn to Say No to Yourself
One of the harshest life lessons I had to endure was saying no to myself. In the same way I wanted to buy things, I also wanted experiences and I wanted them now.
I have so many games in my Steam library that I never played and probably never will but I wanted them, so I got them.
Same with physical things at home.
Before I learned to say no to myself to prevent instant gratification, I had to learn to say no to myself to prevent prolonged suffering. Let’s talk about that next.
3. Don’t Stay At a Workplace You Hate
My first ever job after finishing my army service was at a call center at a big cellular company.
I hated it there.
I would need to endure humiliation from customers on a daily basis because this was a tech support call center. So people would call angry, confused, disappointed, or any combination of negative emotions. And to top it all off, I had to sell things to these people, too.
There were people who did it fantastically every day, and even though I was a little jealous, I knew this wasn’t for me.
I stayed there 10 months until I finally decided to quit.
After I quit, I started working at a place which I consider as my best career decision yet.
4. Every Young Adult Needs to Work in Retail
After I left my call center job, I started working at a pharmacy about 10-minute walk away from home.
Working in Customer Service was where I found my courage to speak to people, to serve customers, and to manage workers.
I worked there for 4.5 years. One year as a cashier and the rest as a shift manager.
If you’re a young adult, you don’t even know how much good, personality-wise, could come from working in retail. You start to understand people much better.
And your chances of being a “Karen” reduce dramatically after you’ve worked in customer service.
So let’s talk about a few of the lessons I learned in retail next.
5. The Customer Isn’t Always Right But It Doesn’t Matter
The moment you start arguing with a customer, you already lost. Whatever they’re arguing with you over, don’t take the bait. Just ask what they want you to do, and blame the shop’s policies if it’s something you can’t do.
Yes, you’ll need to apologize a lot and repeat yourself a few times. They might storm off when they don’t get what they want, but at least it won’t be “worker X didn’t want to help me” but rather “the shop didn’t want to help me”
A big part of making this work is the next lesson.
6. Learn to Be an Effective Listener
The basics of listening is to not interrupt someone when they’re speaking.
The advanced form of listening, is letting them finish speaking, and then reflecting to them what you just heard.
“Ok, so what I’m hearing is [insert what they said here]”
Do this with anybody you talk to and you’ll have much richer conversations as people realize you’re actually listening to what they have to say.
Effective Listening is not just for customers though, it’s for your colleagues too. Let’s talk about that next.
7. If You’re Going to Manage People Listen to Them
As time went on and I became a shift manager, I needed to manage my cashiers, my pharmacists, and make sure the store was working smoothly for evening shifts.
Sometimes your workers will just need someone to listen to them so they can get the baggage they came with from home and focus on their job as a form of escapism.
As a whole, listening is an integral part of the art of noticing. But before we can talk about that, we need to learn about accepting your challenges.
8. Discover The Thing That Makes You Unique
I’ve always been the quiet kid. Shy, introverted.
As a I got older, I realized this was part of the package of being a Highly Sensitive Person. Thank you Dr. Elaine Aron for validating my life experience.
I learned my energy is limited. And we will talk a more about those lessons later, but for now let’s talk about the art of noticing.
9. Learn to Notice The Small Things
Some people find it hard recognizing body language signs, subtle hints at people’s moods or demeanor.
I was blessed with an overwhelming sense to notice these things. So much so that when I enter a room I can immediately tell whether the vibe is positive or negative. This also comes with the ability to notice body language. I can tell pretty quickly if someone wants to talk to me or not. Or whether they feel positive or something might be weighing over them.
You don’t have to be an HSP like I am to learn to notice these things. You need to work in retail long enough to start recognizing them. We subconsciously learn by looking at faces and talking to people all day.
I’m grateful for all I learned while working in retail. And while working in retail, I also studied for my computer science degree. So, let’s talk about some lessons I learned there.
10. Don’t Take Higher Education as a Given
It’s 2024. I’m not sure you need a degree to get your desired job.
Take some time with yourself and decide whether you want to attend university. There are still some friendships and personal development that can only be taught by attending classes and living in the dorms.
I have never lived on campus, but some of the friends I made during my degree are my best friends.
11. Don’t Give Up When It Gets Hard
It took me three schools and the Open University until I finished my Computer Science degree.
I could have given up on the degree and went to do something else, but I fought for it.
Math was the challenging part for me. I breezed right through all the actual computer science classes. Find out what classes challenge you and get help for them.
12. Take Your Degree With a Grain of Salt
I learned Computer Science using C, C++, Java, and a bit of C#.
Do I use any of that now? Absolutely not.
I’m writing code in Python, a coding language I learned at work after my degree was over.
So don’t think everything you do in university will be the same as what you do at work. It will be different, and you need to remain flexible to learn it.
13. Your Degree is One Possible Path to Your Destination
I met many people who thought doing a degree made them somehow better than everybody else.
That’s wrong.
Some people learned the things you now know on their own, made projects, and rose through the ranks. You need to respect that.
14. Spend Your Time Wisely
I had so much more free time in my early twenties. I’m so disappointed with myself that I didn’t try to start a side hustle during those years. Instead, I was investing time in making campaigns for StarCraft and building fantastic cities in Simcity 4.
If you’re in your early twenties, think about future you. There’s a saying on my wall - “Do something today that your future self will thank you for”.
When we’re young we live in the now. But if you set your future self up for success early, you’ll be much happier when you get to my age.
You also need to think about your future self even when you work at your dream job. Let’s talk about that next.
15. Nothing Lasts Forever - Not Even Your Dream Job
In January 2015, I left my shift manager job in retail to find my first job in the high-tech industry. The job I found was a QA Tester at a small video game company. I was literally playing video games and getting paid for it.
Almost two years later, the company shut down due to a lack of money, and I was given the opportunity to move to a different job.
I thought it was my dream job, and the dream shattered in my face.
The new job I got was the darkest moment of my career so let’s talk about lessons from there, too.
16. Learn to Recognize Abuse
In my new job, we were given a corridor in a different company’s office. Yes, I meant a corridor as it wasn’t an actual room with doors and people walked through it every day.
We were making a video game for kids. The office we were working at was geared towards video editing, so there was always noise.
The company owner treated us like an afterthought and didn’t really understand anything about making a video game, especially one geared toward kids. His consistent demand was to add monetization, which was ridiculous because children do not own credit cards.
A few months into it we got a notice we were all being fired because the owner stopped investing money into the company. I started looking for a new job and that new job was much better. Two and a half weeks into the 30-day notice, the owner canceled it, but I still left.
and I’m glad I did! But the life lessons from that place did not end there.
17. Learn to Plan Financial Events Better
In the ten months I worked at the job I mentioned before this point, I was invited to fly to California with the family to meet my brother, who was living there at the time, and celebrate Passover there.
Of course my boss at the time did not approve of me taking PTO because why would he when everything else was so bad?
I did a mistake and did not approach my bank before flying because I had credit card charges that needed to be paid from my account and I wasn’t going to get a full salary for that month.
Naive little me deposited the salary check into my account and all hell broke loose. You can prevent that if only you talk to your bank before something like that happens. Be responsible for your finances.
18. Journaling Will Change Your Life
Through everything in my life, I took some time to journal and write what was happening in my life. I did not do that consistently, unfortunately, but I’m grateful for the times I did do that.
Journaling helps clear your mind. If you do it before bed, try to write positive things. If you do it first thing in the morning, try to raise questions you want to work through.
19. Speak Up When You Face Harassment
In multiple jobs over the years, I had two people who made me feel inappropriate and harassed me. One of them would draw phallic shapes on my notebooks or table, call me names, and honestly just treat me very inappropriately. That was the first time something like that happened to me so I didn’t do anything about it and just endured it until he left.
Something similar happened the second time, but I think it was unintentional. That still doesn’t make the guy less guilty. The guy wasn’t trying to harass me, but he was very touchy. But not shoulder touchy, he was love handles touchy. Putting his shoulder over mine and putting his face real close to mine.
I get it if you’re a really touchy-feely person, but take a hint, man.
And I couldn’t endure it more than a couple of times until I told HR about it. It got resolved, and when COVID began, he left anyway.
Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak up.
20. Learn to Parent Yourself
My parents are boomers. I love them, but I learned to accept that sometimes, laced with their compliments, would be comments about my weight, love life, work, etc.
My parents do it out of love. Some parents might do it out of malice, but I was blessed with parents who prodded me with a stick to stir me towards a better place.
But when you’re in it, you don’t see it. It took me until I was in my 30s to stop judging them for how they treated me.
21. Live and Let Live
Don’t judge people by how they look, how they eat, their gender, sexuality, and any other physical or mental traits. Honestly, it’s not our place to comment on other people like we’re judges in a contest.
I had that happen to me on multiple occasions. People on the internet even hated me because I’m Jewish. Race is a laughable thing to hate someone for. We don’t have any control over what race we’re born into.
22. If You Work an Office Job - Move More
When I stopped working in retail and moved to an office job as a QA tester and later as a software engineer, I gained 20 kg.
I’m trying to lose them, but it’s not easy when most of your day is spent sitting.
It’s much easier if most of your day is spent walking at a store, doing refills of products on shelves etc.
As we get older, it’s harder to lose weight, too, because we lose muscle mass.
23. Invest Time in Friendships
Since COVID-19, I have spent most of my time with my family and nobody else outside work. When you’re surrounded by friends, you can lean into those relationships.
Life would have been different if I had friends to lean on and speak to every week.
24. Wait 24 Hours Before Buying New Things
Sometimes we purchase things to fill a void in our hearts. It’s a dopamine hit to open a wrap and use something new.
Those impulse purchases are what lead us to financial ruin.
So, wait 24 hours after you decide to buy something. If you still want it after 24 hours, try to plan how you’ll pay for it. If the answer is with credit, it’s a bad plan.
25. Don’t Let a Side Hustle Take Over Your Life
Sure, making money in ways other than a day job is a fantastic plan. Don’t let it take over your life, and trade a full-time day job for a 24/7 job.
Have a clear monetization goal in mind. If you don’t, it’s just a hobby, not a side hustle. So make sure you’re nurturing a side hustle instead of an expensive hobby.
I started many websites without a clear end in mind. I thought the end goal would come with the audience, but the audience never came because I didn’t know what I wanted.
In that sense, a monetization goal is to best serve people—to solve a problem, not offer a product they don’t need.
26. Document What You Learn
One of my biggest regrets was not starting a programming blog when I started my Computer Science degree and documenting my progress on it weekly.
If I had started that blog, I would have been in a different place today.
Today, it’s different. I’m not a beginner software developer anymore. I could still document my knowledge, but it’s a lot of effort I’m not sure I want to put in.
27. Don’t Try to Be Everywhere Online
It’s exhausting to manage multiple websites and social media accounts and produce content for all of them when you’re a one-person show.
Doing this is like driving the highway to burnout.
You can claim your handles, but focus on your main platform and perhaps another platform—that’s it.
28. It’s Easier to Create Content Based on Your Life
People love vlogs and Travel blogs for a reason. And when you make fantastic videos about things you did, that’s content people like to watch because they live through you the experiences they can’t have themselves.
So, don’t give up on life for your content. Live life and create content based on it.
29. Take Time Off From Work
You get vacation days from work - use them. But use them for actual vacation, not for your side hustle.
If you don’t take a vacation, you’ll burn out slowly.
And that’s also important for people, not just for your day job.
30. Take Time Off From People
I observe Shabbat every weekend, which means I disconnect completely from the internet. That recharges my energy every week.
That also helps me disconnect from people in my life. Sometimes you just need a break.
31. Advocate For Your Future
When we’re in the rat race, it’s easy to miss the long-term goals in favor of the short-term ones. Living paycheck-to-paycheck, getting that promotion, paying rent and utilities, etc.
But you also need to cultivate a future for yourself. Find a home, start a family, realize your dreams.
It’s not easy to advocate for yourself when everyone and everything is vying for your attention and time.
This is still something I need practice on, having stayed in a job for almost seven years.
Don’t make the same mistake.
And talking about mistakes, let’s talk about them.
32. Learn to Take Criticism With a Smile
When people give you feedback about your work performance, it’s not about you personally. They might make it so if they’re mean but it should never be personal.
So, don’t feel threatened by feedback. Accept it and realize it helps you do things better.
I did this in the beginning with Pull Requests at work. When I realized each one was going to help me improve, I welcomed those reviews with open arms.
33. Learn to Love Yourself
Quite easy to say, I know.
But here’s a compromise: it’s this or nothing. We don’t live in a future where you can become someone else on a whim. This is who you are. And the person looking at you from the mirror is as interesting and deep as any other.
It will take work, but you’ll find a way to understand the amazing gift you’ve been given on this planet.
34. Read More Books
Books are an amazing way to learn new information about the topics that interest you.
If you don’t have time to read a book, you don’t have time to start a side hustle.
The best decision I made was to get a Kindle with a Kindle Unlimited subscription. It helps me read many books.
Read more books because you learn more but also there are other reasons to read books too.
35. Read Fiction Books to Escape
My favorite series of books is The Stormlight Archive. And that series of books is my escape. As of writing these words I’m excited for the fifth book coming soon.
Read more books and escape to a different world.
36. Be Curious About How Things Work
One of the reasons why Programming is so appealing to me, is that I can ask questions and answer them with code.
I love the way programming helps us make something from nothing.
I’m also curious about people and that’s why building a community is also appealing to me.
Find what makes you curious and lean into it.
37. Practice Gratitude Daily
I’m a religious person who believes in god. And I thank him every day. But you don’t have to be to practice gratitude.
If you keep a journal, write the things you’re grateful for every day. It’s a great way to finish the day on a positive note.
And on that note, I want to say thank you so much for being here.
I love you all! I hope this has been helpful to you. I’ll see you in the next one.
Oren